She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
