You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
