We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
