Where is the hickey?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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