I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
