We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
