she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
