I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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