k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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