I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I intend to get homeless drunk
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Drake has all the answers
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
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