My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
