is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Randomize