I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
