i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
