i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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