On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
