Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
