Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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