Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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