hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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