Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
