took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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