i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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