i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
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