upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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