I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize