You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
