oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
