its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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