If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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