For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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