He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
