I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
