Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
