wanna go halves on a baby?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize