Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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