I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
