He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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