so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
