dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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