So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
