I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
