This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
