When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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