JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
