Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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