My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
