Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
