Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize