I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
