so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
