I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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