Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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