Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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