i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You left your phone here
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