he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
