I'm so fucking centered right now
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
