For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
