Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize