I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
