i just snorted my name. best moment ever
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
