he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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