Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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