Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
