Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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