you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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