Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
