Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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