Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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