My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
The ass gains better be worth it
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