broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
