If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
so much tequila, so little girl.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
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