Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize