i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
